It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
