I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
