Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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