Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
