Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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