whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
