First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
