Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
