Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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