gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
