the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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