This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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