No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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