i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This house was built for laser tag.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
