i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
