I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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