I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
