So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
