I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
