I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
