Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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