Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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