sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
