i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
