The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
