4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
