I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
