Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
