You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
