i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
