I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have post one night stand depression
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
