you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
