if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
