Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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