she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
