Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
