No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
