Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
