i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
