I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
