On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
