I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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