I'm lost and stupid without you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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