apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
