I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
