I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
