Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
