her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
