So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
