I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
