Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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