maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
