his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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