The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
